Dear Single Mothers: Why Is it So Hard to Not Be in Control? [Your Feedback Needed]

“Why do you have to have so much control?”

“You know you don’t have to be THE man, right?”

I was asked these paraphrased questions in mid-discussion with someone particularly significant to me. Not that I recall ever being asked anything similar in the past, I still had a response available:

“I don’t need to be, but I have had to be so, it’s hard to turn it off.”

My curiosity is simple – is this something that long-time single mothers experience or is it just me?

This is one of those blogs where I hope to get feedback from moms who have encountered such a conversation be it with a sister-friend or your significant other.

I have been single for many years and my children are 18 and 13 years old.

When I use the term single I mean unmarried and it has been this way since they were 6 years old and 3 months old.

This is not to say that I had not been in a relationship or two during this time period or even dated, but this is to say that I have independently made decisions for them and myself for more than 13 years.

At that time, I did not imagine literally raising them by myself (of course my village has been instrumental along the way) for this length of time, but, yet, here I am with a college freshman and the other taking his journey as a middle school student.

My daughter responds in complete shock when I share stories about how we struggled off and on for so many years.

“We were struggling back then?”

“Man, I didn’t even know!”

Of course, she didn’t know because as the head of the house, it’s my duty to deliver, it’s not their business to know how the delivery was made possible.