Dear Single Mothers: Why Is it So Hard to Not Be in Control? [Your Feedback Needed]

If my son asks me to play catch with him, then guess what? I go outside and throw that football back and forth with him and truthfully I’ve gotten better at it over the years (ha-ha!)

If he doesn’t want to shoot hoops in the driveway alone, I go out there and play a little one-on-one with him until of course I’m out of breath and need a time out.

You can also catch me on the sidelines at his football practices and scrimmages watching his performance so that we can discuss where he can improve during the ride home! (A bit emotional at this point).

He says my being there helps him play better (bittersweet tears as I think about this).

I am blessed enough that when he asks me certain questions about the changes in his body, I can ask his godfather (my brother) to get an accurate explanation, but the fact is, I have had to have so much control.

No, I’m not mom and dad, I could never be. But I guess you can call me the leader and the follower (you know how the husband leads and the wife follows. If he’s THAT type of husband, however.)
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After all of this time, I find myself weighing the possibility of being serious with someone, getting married and if I am able as well as willing to allow someone else in that will take part in the decision making that I have had sole authority of for so long.

Then, there’s unfortunate events, like Hurricane Harvey, or the times I was burglarized that have left me feeling vulnerable and helpless.

Watching the water rise on your street from the front door in the middle of the night praying it doesn’t come in the house, while also making sure you don’t show your children that you’re afraid because then they will be too. Coming home on two separate occasions to burglarized residences and you just show frustration and anger.

You hide the anxiety, worry and sleepless nights because you want to make sure they’re comfortable enough to go to sleep in those same residences because they have school the next day.

To be perfectly honest, the possibility frightens me and I cannot help but wonder if I am the only woman who feels this way.