3. When Their Dream Is Not Your Dream
I have come across some pretty amazing people whose dreams are so huge it takes a certain level of selflessness to bring them to fruition.
On occasion, your mate’s passion and goals may not excite you and require a good measure of your significant others’ time.
In fact, I know a person whose engagement was called off because the companion, in a sense, felt like they were in competition for the number one spot on the priority list. There is such a thing as balance, but would you be willing to dive in and help support their dream when you aren’t working on yours or give the entire relationship up because your honey is too dedicated?
Again, relationships aren’t one-sided and an adult-like commitment requires give and take. With love being more of an action than a feeling (because a pair of lips will say anything), it is a decision and it is a declaration that is substantiated with actions.
Yes, I understand that for many moons folks profess to have “fallen” in love. You may be in love but you didn’t fall anywhere. In fact, you decide based on what you’ve learned about someone while dating them if you want to love them. It’s like giving yourself permission to open up and be vulnerable with your love interest after learning their character, dependability, trustworthiness, their level of compassion and so on. This is why at all times, measure your place in someone’s life based on how they treat you. The old adage “actions speak louder than words” is nothing short of the truth and quite frankly words to live by.
Like the late, incomparable Maya Angelou once said, “when people show you who they are, believe them.”
Despite sweet early morning text messages from him/her or the very prolific paragraphs (I cannot front I’m pretty good with that too!) that you get that are all blush-worthy, be certain that those daunting words are evidenced in how you are treated by that person.
Make no mistake, you decide how you will be treated and you teach someone how to treat you by not accepting treatment that does not equate to what you know you are worth. Just in case you are not sure, yes, YOU are worth being treated well, with respect and with consideration of your feelings.
Understand that love comes with being selfless and thinking about what’s best for more than just you. Love is not always a delight, of course, but it’s not hurtful, humiliating, lacking in priority, demeaning or inconsiderate.
We have to set aside unrealistic ideas about love and relationships like the ladies and gentlemen who responded to my earlier question did if we want to see healthy relationships through also.
Folks get into three disagreements a year about the trash or the car and decide it’s time to shut the entire marriage down for good. Umm no! That is not how that should go.
I encourage us all to cease aspiring to the latest trending couple as #goals, because like I have said many times before, relationships are not one-size-fits-all and you, me or we do not know what these couples have had to overcome to get to their joyful places in their relationships.
Sadly enough, some of them are not even experiencing the joy they may portray to those on the exterior. Understand the level of commitment relationships require. Decide if you are ready for that and then be #goals yourself.
Do not let society put deadlines on when you should commit because the next thing you know you’re tangled up in a web you cannot get out of with someone you aren’t even compatible with. It’s perfectly okay to bask in your single life, being your best you until you meet the person that you decide to give your love to because the two of you fit well and that’s the one you’re willing to break your good sleep in order to care for.
Love and relationships are a choice that you make and after the decision, a marathon that you run, not a race.
Until next time Xpressionists, XoXo!
